| He doesn't know He doesn't know... How it breaks me when he turns away How sometimes it is eaiser to be here with out him How bad the silence hurts but how it also brings peace How bad I want to hit him when he doesnt agree with a decision that has nothing to do with him How bad I want to hit him when he gets mad at me for doing something for him How bad I want to prove him wrong when he says that I will never walk away That I can tell when he is awake |
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| Me and Ryan had a nice long chat last night about things that need to change and I feel much better about us. I really hope that everything works out for us.
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| I made a major mistake giving him what he wanted.
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| All I want is to be able to depend on him a fucking little but nope. He can't keep his word worth shit. How much longer am I going to put up with this?
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| So it has been forever since I have been on this.
My Anxiety is getting bad and so I decided to start blogging again and this is a site that like no one has so I think it is pretty safe for me to speak my mind.
I think I am going through a major depression. Actually I am positive and now that I am dating again my anxiety is getting way bad. So according to about.com stress and anxiety both signal when we may be in danger, and inspire us to take action to get ourselves out of danger. This kind of threat can be anything from physical harm to emotional harm. In this way it is necessary in our lives. However they both become unhealthy when they quit pushing us to act. So on this site there are four steps to help relieve stress and anxiety and that is what I am about to try.
Step one: First, look inside. What is causing you to worry? Be specific. (For some situations, this may be readily apparent; other times, you may really have to think about it.) Writing in a journal or talking to a friend about it can help you sort out your feelings.
~Being in another relationship is what is causing this for me. I am always freaking out that he is going to randomly break up with me which would in effect hurt me. This is so bad that I have added walls to keep him out so that when he does break up with me it will not hurt so bad.
Step two: Then, decide what action, if any, should be taken. Try to figure out what part of the situation is under your control. Assess the problem to see whether the threat is real, or if you are blowing it out of proportion. If the problem is just a hypothetical situation or a worst-case scenario, decide if it is really likely that your fears will actually come to fruition.
~So I am definitely blowing this out of proportion. I am freaking out for no apparent reason. This problem is also just a worst-case scenario. I think I am afraid to believe that this won't eventually happen. Like why would this last? We are both still young and we both still have a lot to learn. That brings up the question: Why am I wasting my time in a relationship that is not going to last? There are two possible answers to this question. A) I just want to be in a relationship which is a high possibility~ Why would I be freaking out if I really only wanted to be in a relationship. Because he has the ability to take from me what I want? Hmm. The second possible answer is that: B) I have already gotten my hopes up that this will last "forever" in which case I am definitely already going to get hurt.
So what part is in my control? The way I am reacting is under my control. I have learned that in the past worrying all the time is only going to add stress to the relationship increasing the probability of it ending.
Step three: Next, come up with a plan that tackles the part of the problem that is under your control. Taking action to protect yourself is a good way to channel nervous energy and provides reassurance against your fears. It is, in most cases, the healthiest response to realistic fears and worries.
~So I am going to channel my anxiety into things that can actually help me. Running and working out are both good ideas. I am also going to jump into this. If I get hurt then I know that he isn't right for me and God will never give me something that I couldn't overcome. I need to have faith in this.
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